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Great to be back!

Started by Bob, April 09, 2021, 06:02:11 PM

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Bob

Fellow Fibro sufferers!   So glad i found you ... again.   IDK how but somehow I lost you and, for the longest time, could't find you again.  I thought that, for some reason the site was down for good.  So Glad I was wrong ! 

Robby

Well, I'm glad you found us too. What's been going on since you've been gone?

:an party: :an party: :an party:
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I will put you in the trunk, and help people look for you, DON'T TEST ME.

looneylane


ronr

Times are tough when "Happy Hour" is your nap.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

foxgrove

Welcome home, Bob!!!  :bighug:

So glad you found us again.  We're still here and hanging in there.  How have you been doing?
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

Barberian



denny

Hey Bob! Good to have you back!
I KNEW IT WAS THE ALIENS!



"FREE ME FROM EXISTANCE"
It is what it is...

Bob

Thanks all for the "Re-Welcome!"

I'm not sure what happened  but, I had a pc go down on me and when I got another up and running I wasn't able to find this site.  Believe it or not - about 10 yrs of my working life I was a computer help desk person.  I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer but, I have always found myself competant in, at leasrt, bumping around the Internet.  So, I don't understand but, again, glad to be back.

I don't remember exactly when I last was on the site (guess I could look it up) but , since then I have experienced some real improvements.  Don't get me wrong I still fight pain and fatigue EVERY day but, for the first time in between 25 and 30 yrs I actually recognize myself!  My constant anger has all but left me and my constant complaining is gone.  I hardly experience these things anymore .. which is great .  when I first noticed it I was ecstatic .  After being in a coma for the last 25 + I was ready to start life again.  I was ready to hit the ground running but, I quickly found not everyone was ready to join me.  Additionally, I found myself in an overweight - pained - fatigued 58 yr old body wondering how I might get those yrs back ... you can't!

Praise God my wife stayed with me but our relationship had chgd considerably and she, too, has been fighting depression for years.  All the things I wanted to get back to had to wait because I quickly found that I still can't focus and /or stay awake and my body's pains limit any activity.  So, I have found myself somewhat isolated.

I had recently heard an NPR story where a guy who had been imprisoned for a crime , it  turns out, he didn't commit.  He said that every day he iis out he sees or experiences something else that he missed and couldnt get them back.  In some ways I feel like that guy but , I just got out of solitary to find myself still imprisoned.

So, there is my HaPPY story.  Pls forgive me for blurting it all out but, I don't really have anyone to share all of this with. Pls don't misunderstand, I am very happy for my improvement but I find myself with little to do except watch tv and I Hate the TV!

Also you have been warned to watch what you ask me because I will probably answer it ... at ... length! (:    (JK)  (JK)  (JK)  ;)

ronr

GREAT to hear of your dramatic improvements.  Let's hope you can continue to improve even if it might be an agonizingly slow process.

1st post lost so bye ...
Times are tough when "Happy Hour" is your nap.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

foxgrove

Congrats!!  That's wonderful that your pain levels dropped!  I imagine it has opened up some of the things that were impossible before to the realm of possible.  I went through something similar a couple of years ago and it was awesome!  Please remember to live each day to it's fullest.  I hate to say it but I know I wasted some good days but it's all part of the journey.  

I understand what you are talking about with the limitations... Kinda feels like he walls are still there, the verge has just been trimmed down to a more reasonable hedge.  {sigh}  I getcha, brother.  I kinda broke down last fall 'cause I felt like I'd been handed a poisoned year... taken away for a bit then thrown right back on ya, rather than seeing the gift that was the reduction in pain.  That's a really hard one.  It took me a few months of just laying it down each morning as something I couldn't change and taking each day as it came, good or bad.  Eventually, after a lot of prayer and time, the feelings changed somewhat.  The anger still comes back to me now but more as a memory of what was rather than the broken promise or stolen gift it felt like at the beginning.

Gotcha in my thoughts, brother.  It's good to have you home again. :bighug:
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

Bob

That's exactly my problem.  when I realized things had , indeed , improved I wanted to jump back in where I remembered I left off - nearly 30 yrs ago.  I quickly realized that this was not possible. In fact my Fibro and ON still, in a sense, own me.  It , kind of, feels like I was in jail for those yrs AND now, instead of being free, I am in the work release problem (that I will never leave) 

I am working on  accepting that I lost most of my dreams - I never had a career.  Also , my attempt to work as a jazz musician was failed because of my pain as well.  I've also comd down emotionally and realize I still can't do most if not all, of what I want.

At the same time ... I am a Christian and I  DO believe in God's sovereignty over all things but, my faith wobbles when realizing that, once again, I don't get what I want.(when I say it like that I sound llike a whining little baby!).  when I am in these moods I try to remember the last couple chapters of the book of Job and I sit back and shut my mouth! - at least for a while)

That you all, so much, for the welcome and for taking the time to read my little diatribe and responding to it.    It is good to be back!

foxgrove

******Christian faith content warning*******

Brother, I know exactly where you're coming from!  I was reminded last week of the fact that David was extremely vocal at his misgivings about life inthe Psalms, pouring out his pain and grievances to God... and yet God called him a man after His own heart.  It's not wrong to have "wtf" moments in life... it's more about our long term response to them. 

The big question I constantly have to ask myself is where is my heart at; does it chase God or does it satisfy itself?  Once I have a chance to re-center my emotions, do I give my mind the chance to re-focus my heart toward God. To give it the chance to realize, just like Job, I don't have all the answers but I know that God cares deeply about me and put plans in place to bless me and not to harm me even before I was conceived... He already has plans in motion to turn all my pain and it's trappings into something that is good, something that will shape me into the best version of me that can exist. 

As so many amazing people before me have proven, the presence of pain and the lack of a healthy body does not mean our ability to bless others has disappeared.  It has not impacted our ability to bring praise to the Father, it just means that we need to find new avenues to express our faith.  Like my job here...  and in a way, I am thankful to my fibromyalgia that it brought me such amazing friends and gave me the opportunity to care about some pretty amazing people through my words and my prayers.  Not saying I'm great at it, I've done some pretty nasty screw-ups over the years, but I am learning and with some forgiveness and much grace, we have a pretty good gang of folks... many don't or can't post but are here anyways... and that's perfectly good.

Have a wonderful day.  You remain in my prayers. :bighug:
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

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