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How to regain lost self-confidence

Started by ronr, May 01, 2022, 01:49:47 PM

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ronr

Times are tough when "Happy Hour" is your nap.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

foxgrove

Very nice to see them not sliding into the Pollyanna "if you just think nice things, everything will be nice" bs viewpoint.  Pretty balanced... I would note that they missed a biggie in the causes section... depression is a major influence on self confidence.  I've found that fighting that inner voice is a big part of my challenge. I still suffer from a deep rooted sense of inadequacy and low self esteem but I'm working on it every day. Of course, pain ties into it as does sleep problems as does the impact of years and years of mental health issues that have rewritten my ability to self regulate certain brain chemicals... hence some of the meds I take.

Good article.
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

ronr

I post and hope that IF it helps someone 'EVEN A LITTLE' that at least it is an improvement and a base to build on.
Times are tough when "Happy Hour" is your nap.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

denny

I think I have some optimism
In certain parts of my life.
I don't know how to be optimistic about my health.
I KNEW IT WAS THE ALIENS!



"FREE ME FROM EXISTANCE"
It is what it is...

foxgrove

Love that idea of using a peer group to improve your self esteem issues. With the right people, it's an excellent tool... like you guys helping me to not spiral into the toilet and stuff. Got a real ding to my self esteem very recently... the timing chain fix to Philip's car that I went out to do somehow went bad. We're pretty sure the crankshaft bolt loosened off which would have been my job to make sure it was torqued right. He's facing some extra costs to potentially replace his head right now. Yeah... I really screwed that one up. But you know what... we all make mistakes. Sh*t happens and we continue on.  It didn't change how anyone felt about me and most importantly, it didn't change how God felt about me. It wasn't the end of the world... it wasn't the end of his car, though he's got some unexpected fixing to do. It's just stuff... and in the end, people matter more than stuff.

So, let me help out a little in this department... The one reading this... I may not know you but I know you are worth it!  You are awesome! I believe in you. So, what can I do to help you through the potholes and canyons you're facing?
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

Robby

Quote from: foxgrove on May 01, 2022, 07:04:53 PMdepression is a major influence on self confidence.  I've found that fighting that inner voice is a big part of my challenge.
I have found that after this many years of dealing with depression, mania and the swing between the two, I have learned how to tell when I'm getting depressed. Hours, even days before I actually get there. That gives me time to start telling myself some important things, "you are getting depressed, don't let yourself go there", "you know good and D--n well they did not mean what you thought they meant, what they said was innocent,  your the one making it sound negative", "You know that what you saw is not what it looks like, your just going there because of the depression", and so many more things, that is just a good start, plus those things specific to me, that I won't mention. You can make your own list based on what you always do when you get depressed.

Really if you can get started reminding yourself of these things before you get depressed, you can keep it up after it sets in. But I have to start before it gets to that point, if I wait, or if it sneaks  up on me, it really does me no good until after I come out the other side, and get  in a positive state of mind again. I can keep telling myself these facts after the negative mood sets in, but I don't believe it, or it just doesn't help any. So it's important I make myself believe what I'm saying before it gets to be too late.

Fox, I'm going to brag a minute, because I hate that you have the problem with self-esteem, because there really is  no reason for you to have a problem with that, you are a great person, and really need to be proud of yourself, the way you give other people a positive view of themself. So what if it's an example of what not to be :lmao: buttkick You know I'm just making fun, I have a lot of respect for you. I have had a few moments of that frame of mind, very few. It started even before I started school, with my brother talking bad about me, putting me down, beating me up and I would make myself believe the opposite of whatever he said about me. Then I started school, and I would make myself believe the opposite of whatever the bullies were saying about me. So I ended up with an overly inflated ego, I ended up with only a positive outlook of myself. Despite the bullies being twice my size and bigger, I always made them back down. If I wasn't scared of my brother that is 10 years older than me, I sure as heck wasn't afraid of a guy my age. I did not care if I got in a fight and lost, losing that battle was no big deal, but I was not, and I am not going down without a fight. I'm not going to run away scared, I refuse to live scared.

But it goes beyond me being brave enough to stand up to them, and make them back off every single time, which made me proud of myself. But, that feeling of pride, that feeling of "I'm in charge of my life, try to get in the way and I will make you regret it". I always told the bullies that "I have no doubt you can beat my butt, and if you insist on doing this, I have no problem getting beat up, will not hurt my feelings at all, but I promise you if you fight me, I will make you regret it for the rest of your life". There was only  one time in grades 1-6th where one of those guys tested me. I had no idea what I would do if it came down to it, but I knew when the time was right I would know. When this guy drew back his fist, I didn't give him a chance to throw the punch, I jumped, and dug my fingernails into his face, and then put all my weight on my fingertips, now almost 40 years later, he still has scars, but never got to throw his punch. Not to mention his dad got to the school to pick him up, took off his belt and wore that butt out, right in front of me, he was not going to raise a bully, and had been warned about trying to be a bully.

I totally get how fibro can make someone feel like they aren't worth a damn, those feelings do come up, every now and then. But for me, fibro is just another bully I have to face, I've never backed down from a bully, and I've always won, fibro will be no different. It will just be  a long drawn out fight. It's the only way I know how to be. Except for when the depression manages to push me down temporarily, and that just doesn't last long before I can get back on top.

I feel I have earned the right to brag about my track record with bullies, and always coming out the winner against fibro. I lose a good many battles, but I will win the war itself. Lost battles, like the one I am going to posting in the rant & rave section, just as soon as I get time. But right now, I'll be dead for 3 weeks before I get caught up. :rip: :lmao:
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I will put you in the trunk, and help people look for you, DON'T TEST ME.

foxgrove

@Robby, thank you. You are always doing the same for me. Picking me up and dusting me off. Yeah... the mind is where the real battle is lost or won. Here's to positive thoughts! :cheers:
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

denny

Clumsist man on earth.
I am learning to smile and even laugh. Trying very hard anyway. It don't change the way mine feel about me either, they still love me they just know I'm going to screw it up. ;)

It's an issue right now.
I KNEW IT WAS THE ALIENS!



"FREE ME FROM EXISTANCE"
It is what it is...

foxgrove

Yeah... I feel you, denny. It's hard being so clumsy and accident prone... just consider us the wacky comedic side kick in our own story.  :biggrin:
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

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