Contemplating Suicide, 17 years old male with FM/Chronic Pain, please help.

[wisemeat96]

If you're looking for a detailed explantion of my expierience then read this other forum because i cant be f**ked explaining this f**king shit agian: http://menwithfibro.com/community/index.php?topic=6649.msg53502#msg53502  

To be honest ive reached the end of the line here. Theres nothing left for me in this shitty, meaningless life of endless suffering, and even if there was, FMS would make sure that every single bit of opportunity, enjoyment, fun, pleasure, and youth is taken away from, leaving me with nothing.

Because of this condition, which i have suffered from since the age of 13 (im 17 now, approching 18, f**king yippee!!!!!), i have had no friends, girlfriends, fun, joy, and basically every fun thing you could think of for a young person to do i have been stripped of entirely, and left with only constant pain, fatigue, numbness all over, and with no cure. But you would think that somehow, maybe someone would understand, or listen, of try to help, but NO.

I'm sick and tired of the same shitty attitude from all the medical professionals. My foot in the f**kin' door and i already know they dont believe me, just want to pump me full of drugs like a less-than-human lab rat and send me on my way so they get thier f**king money or whatever, and so the suffering continues, forever. Even my parents still have a hard time trying to grasp this.

My mum moved out recently because she couldn't stand my "obssesions" anymore, (1 hour exercise everyday, hanging to stretch my back which takes almost 20 minutes to get relief, laying down doing f**k all every day etc.) We had a big argument and it was the same bullshit all over agian, about how she believes my problem is primarily pyschological, and she thinks i should just stop all my habits and let the pain take over even more. Its like talking to a f**king brick wall, and then she has the hide yo say she loves her son, wants thye best for me BLABLA f**king BLA, if she really cared she would believe me.

So anyway i got extremely angry and smashed her car with a hammer, and so she said she cant take anymore and left. Just me and dad now, and looks like he'll get sick of this pretty soon too, so then i'll be COMPLETELY alone. Well you know what then f**k IT!!!!!!!! Im sick of hearing everyone whos older than 25 bang on about how these are "the best years of my life", and say things like "If you think you're in pain now wait till you're my age haha", well im sorry but thats all f**king BS to me.

Won't someone tell me what is the point? I have lost EVERYTHING to this curse of a f**king disease, only to be told that there is no cure and im f**ked for life? I really am seriously considering suicide. I cant stand to watch this just eat away my younger years, or fact ALL my f**king years!!!!!!! Besides i'm nearly 18 which means i'll probably have to get a job and move out, but with this its going to be a nightmare, without the support of my parents i won't last 5 seconds out there on my own, and just being able to do the things i love doing, like playing drums and such will be IMPOSSIBLE.

Its just a downhill spiral that goes nowhere and I really feel completely hopeless, completely nothing, just dead on the inside. And believe i've tired seeing a psycologist, many actually, but its the same "all in your head" crap BLABLA.

So what would you suggest? Overdose, jumping, cutting, hanging? Looking for painless methods here, ive had enough pain already. :(

Added breaks for ease of reading-Ron

[Lonesome George]

One thing to remember is that us long timers have found out.  Anyone that hasn't dealt with fibro does not have any idea of how it affects us.  You will have feelings like you do now, but they will pass in time.  There will be times of bad pain, then there will be times you can do most things you once could.

Getting someone to understand that hasn't been through what you are dealing with is almost impossible, just as you understanding how someone else would feel with something like diabetes.  You just have to suck it up and do the best you can and live for the good days.  Don't let yourself get addicted to narcotics no matter what your doctors say.  Research on your on and find what you think will work.  If fibro is your only ailment, you most likely can get by with over the counter medicine, such as Excedrin Extra Strength, ect.  Once you get addicted to prescription meds you will have to take them whether you need them or not.  At least with OTC you can stop when you have good days.

You will have days, weeks, months, or years, when you feel much better and can do a lot of things.  You won't be what you once were, but with time you learn to adapt.  Yes, there are times you will be very depressed and wish this was over with, but think of all the people you will hurt.  Also, at your age you have lots of life memories to make.  It may not seem so now, but later you will look back and see how much you have enjoyed times in your life.

You will find someone that will love you, warts and all.  If you have children you will love them like you never thought you could.  One day when you have grandchildren you will love them even more than your own children, even though you think that is impossible.

You are way too young to give up on life now.  We don't know the future.  There may be a cure, you may become a spokesman for the fibro world, who knows.  You may be the person to make people realize this is a real disease and not something in our heads.  You have your whole life ahead of you to do things you never dreamed of.  It doesn't seem like it now, but there will be a lot of changes in your lifetime, and you you may be a large part of them.

In my lifetime man landed on the moon, a president was assaniated, we went through two recessions, gas was rationed to certain days, we had several wars, and we also had very good times of prosperity and happiness.  Things change a lot in just a few years.

Don't give up, and even though you are angry with what life has dealt you, don't take it out on others or what they have.  Apologize for hammering the car.  Ask them to read about fibro, or have them visit this forum and see what we deal with daily.  Above all, don't give up.  You could be the shining light the fibro world needs.  If not, you may be the one person that saves someone else with just a few words of encouragement.  You may never know this, but you just might be the person to save a whole nation or blood line. There are others much worse off that have made a difference, don't let them out do you.  Show everyone what you are made of and make a difference in this world.

Don't end it all or look back on your life and realize you wasted time, energy, and made decisions that hurt yourself and others because you felt sorry for yourself.  Make a difference.  If I had known then what I know now, or had someone tell me what life was about, I could have made a much bigger impact for good for others.  Don't let your destiny pass because of a bad decision. Fight the good fight and make a difference in this world. Don't end it all or look back in your later years with regret.  You hold your future and those of many others in your hands, what are you going to do with it.

[looneylane]

I cannot speak to your experience and I won't sugarcoat it. I do think your life and experience has value it is just sad that you are not getting the support from doctors you need. Is there a fibro support group near you? or a chronic pain specialist? Please get some support . find someone to talk to if not  a counsellor or pastor at least a compassionate ear. Wish I could offer more but going through a bad flare. Here for you and praying for you.

[mloved]

I see you have taken the direction of getting your life back on track.  You've got what it takes but you need some effective tools.

Give a call to your suicide hotline.  If you don't at first connect with a person you feel comfortable with, ask for another until you find the right one.  They know good people and resources you can hook up with that will assist in managing the tough time you're going through, and guide you with dealing with your parents, doctors and others.  And come be with us on board as much as you can.

Things do get better but you have to give it a chance to.  We've been there.  You are a unique and precious gift to the world.  Keep in mind that better, and the best of times await you in the future.  Holding you in love 

[ronr]

DO call the prevention hotline NOW!

Only someone with this condition can really understand it and the medical community is finally coming around to believe in it too.  What are you doing for it now, meds, stretches I saw, heat, cold, what ?  It is not something that can be cured but through trial and error it can be managed, although it takes years.  It will not kill you, so don't let it kill you another way.

I certainly went through the angry phase and disbelief, but it is better now.  Not great, just better and if you are the one person that is meant to be in a research study that finds a cure, then you might have a VERY meaningful purpose.  I have said many times that I would not be able to blieve all that it does to a person if I did not have the opportunity to experience it myself. 

Apologize for the car and try to move on.  You have already survived for years and can survive much longer.  The hardest part is the initial dealing with it.  Trying different things with no success and the mental pressure of knowing there is no cure is overwhelming "at times".

This stage will not last forever and that's just what it is, a stage.  Read here: http://menwithfibro.com/community/index.php?topic=277.0

Your life has been changed by this and you will learn to accept those changes even if they are being forced upon you.

[DatonK]

My dear friend i have been there and to the point of taking pills & all i can say thank God and the hospital staff i am still here. All i can say is please please talk to anyone before going down that road there is always more to life than to end it all.  My  are with you. 

[foxgrove]

Wisemeat...  if you haven't already called a suicide hotline, please do it now.  Seriously... don't do to your family what my sister did to mine.  It would have been better if a grenade would have gone off in our midst.  It took us decades to come to terms with it and we still go through phases of "what if" even now.  She committed suicide back in 1978... I remember 'cause I was the one who found her.  It really messed me up for a very long time!!

I can't even begin to understand  what you've gone through but I can tell you that there is still a lot of joy and happiness ahead of you.  My prayers are with you brother... talk to a suicide prevention hotline.. please.

[DEL]

Calling the hotline is a great idea. Attending our forum and using what we learn day and day out is also the right thing to do. Killing yourself will only make Satan happy and create despair for you family and us. Fibro can be survived but it is an up and down process. Your life has value in God's and our eyes; please don't kill yourself!

[countryboy]

Give it a chance, give us a chance and most of all give yourself a chance.   

[TNDadx4]

Please stop and get help. I know that a lot of us have been where you are. Yes, you have some things to work through, like Fibro, but your life is too important, especially to God.

It may not be easy, but you can do this. You need a good support system, and the guys (and girls) here are great.

Please don't take any drastic steps right now. You can get through this and will get through it and then you will have a testimony to help others who are in a similar position as you are in right now.

Praying for you.

[Jstewart]

Please make the call...

My Mom committed suicide on December 28th, 2013.  She had suffered sever chronic depression and chose to die instead of facing her demons head on.  She shattered my world and the lives of her two other children, her five grandchildren and loving husband of 34 years.

I have FMS since I was 16 back in 1987.  I was misdiagnosed with depression and given a variety of anti depressants until I finally broke and pushed my doctor.  You can do the same.

This forum has been a blessing and I'm amazed at the support I've received here.  Please lean on us!

Praying you made the call!

[looneylane]

  Please let us know how you are doing?

[wmoore]

 Well it sounds like you still have great brain function, that could make it easier for you to find a new doctor that knows about fm. But first do call the suicide help line for your area, and let them have it, let it all out. And see if they can get the ball rolling for you.  Lots of us are in your shoes, so maybe you can let us know how your day to day is  going.
As for myself, this site has been a blessing to know there are others just like me. Who I can join in conversation when it is important. So don't leave , You have much more to say.

[TNDadx4]

It's been a while. How are you doing?

[wisemeat96]

Um hello everyone, just so your not alarmed or anything I did ring them. They put me in touch with a "pain management center", and apart from that I've got an iron infusion soon to see if that makes a difference to the fatigue because my iron is extremely low.Im not religious btw but thank you all for your support and prayers