Baby steps

[denny]

Okay,this may be a tiny thing,but,a few years ago I could not roll a joint because of tremors.
I ripped the paper every time.
With pratice,much pratice,it's still not easy,but I've re-taught myself to roll.
Tremors isn't fibro but the message is clear...I hope.

[Robby]

I know what you mean, I couldn't roll anything involving paper right now. I can't tell if it's worse at rest or upon doing something. The thought of Parkinson's gets scarier day by day.

[denny]

Fear hampers adaptation.
I'm afraid too.

[foxgrove]

I remember the terror.  I had Parkinson's like shaking and the foot fall as well for a couple of years... we think it was a med mix that was causing it and it took that long for the med effects to stpo... but Jo's dad died from Parkinson's so the fear was very real.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  Glad you've got rolling down again. 

[tojo]

My shrink put me on a med that was supposed to make my depression meds work better. Well low and behold it revealed Parkinsons symptoms. So off to the neurologist I go. He took me of that med right away of course but sent me to the valley to have my head examined LOL no what he sent me for was a MRI of my brain. I told he would find nothing there as it left a long time ago, he did not think that was funny, probably has heard it too many times. Well the MRI came back clean, no tumors or anything else that could be causing the tremors, the reduced arm swing on the right hand side or the fact that my crappy as it was hand writing was getting worse. My signature that was a mess is getting worse, I am having a hard time making my "Ds' and I have two of them. Thinking about getting a rubber stamp made fro when I need to sign my name. That will be great except that a lot of the time you have t sign in electronically so the stamp wont work.

My hands tend to shake more when I am trying to sign my name or try to do something like change out a watch battery. The neurologist told me what it was called UGH! can't remember s... something to do with task tremors or something. If I remember I will let you know. And also on the writing forefront my letters are getting smaller. I can start out writing my normal size and they just get smaller and I have no idea it is happening I just notice that they are smaller and then try again to start and keep them bigger but it seldom works. I guess that is one of the dead give-a-way for sure you have it signs. The funny thing was that when we first met he was asking me some questions and I just sort of threw in that my signature has gone to s*** and he said that he was fixing to ask me about that. I do not have any of the stumble steps yet, well none that I have noticed yet anyhow. That seems to be a big thing with this damned disease, is that a lot of what is going on with you, you do not notice. It is those around you that pick up on the little things that are happening to you.

I know as soon as I was diagnosed with Parkinsons everyone sort of seemed to freak out, well as far as I was concerned they did. They all got on the innerweb and did their research on Parkinsons. What is sad is that there is a lot of misinformation out there concerning this topic. I am sure it is about others as well but this one seemed to scare up some ghosts. My Brother's gf at the time was doing her best to disprove the Neurologst's diagnoses. I am so glad that she is gone. I guess my brother had made some kind of comment about looking out for and taking care of me when she launched into this prove he is faking it routine. She had no room in her world for anyone that might be worse of than she was. Plus she really did not want anyone other than her kids to ever be in the house. She made people that my Brother has known forever leave early and never come back. Funny after she was gone his friends came out of the woodwork wanting to bake cakes, get kegs, bottles, cans and anything else that holds alcohol in it and then have a huge party!

She had found some information about the stages of Parkinsons and that was the tool she was using trying to discredit me. Since I did not have all of the items listed at one time, I did not fit into any stage, therefore I did not have it and was just faking it trying to get attention. Oh she showed it to my Brother and he even asked me at what stage my doctor had me at. I had asked the doc about the stages and why I did not seem to line up with them. He said basically they are just a bunch of BS and not to worry about it. There were no stages and the symptoms can come and go from time to time. Sometimes they are going to be worse and other times not so bad. That not even all folks with it suffer from dementia or even have any hallucinations. While others have them terrible and all the time, while some have dementia so bad that they are more like an Alzheimer patient. He says that there are similarities of course among all of us but to the severity of each item is really up in the air and we will jot know what my biggest problems will be till we get there. He said do not worry about it that he had me covered and to not let anyone on the innerweb LOL

Well the gf is gone and I have actually moved in with my Brother. I am a full fledged rent paying roommate. I have a really nice room, a bathroom of my own, there is a kitchen, living room, laundry room with appliances and even a big ole garage. There is even a back porch that my Brother rigged up some screening to make it bug free. Funny right after the diagnoses he wanted me to move in and my Son, the one that I am staying with right now, that just had the new baby boy, my first Grandson wanted me to come and live with him. That subject has even been skirted around since I have been here. His wife really did not know me. We had never spent more than a couple of hours together. After I had been here for awhile and had pretty much got to know everyone even her to some degree I asked my Son if there would be a problem with his wife if I had to take him up on his offer, to take me in if (or should I say when, even though the doc said not everyone)things get worse. And he said that there was no issues whatsoever. I asked him specifically if his wife had any problems with me, or was this just him, being my Son and saying that it was going to happen? He assured me that everything was cool and the wife was onboard 100%. That was reassuring.

The main issue I have with if I come to live with him or stay in my Brothers house I do not want to be a bother. I have said that I would probably end up in a V.A. home and that is OK with me. Of course my Son about had a fit when I said that and of course said that was not going to happen that they would take care of me. And do not take what I say wrong. I understand why he would want to, and I would be in the same position if something happened to him, my other Son or anyone in their families. The thing is that I do not want them to have to deal with me if I do suffer from bad dementia or end up having wild hallucinations all the time. That would not be right and would not be fair to him and his family. I have not watched families of someone with Parkinsons in the late stages, but I have watched several with parents who had Alzheimer's and that is just not fair. Dealing with a loved one that does not even know who you are, each and everyday that you interact with them. Some even become violent, lashing out at the loved ones that are trying to care for them. I guess I am going to have to have some kind of living will kind of document that will make him have to let me go to the V.A. home if certain criteria are met. Having a legal document that would make him, would take that burden off of him, and he would never think that he put me in a home. Of course he and all of the family would be welcome to come and visit and to make sure that I am being treated with care and respect. I just do not want my family putting up with me thinking that they are strangers. Having to feed me, bathe me, change my nappies. I would not like that at all. I would want them, especially my Grandchildren to remember Grandpa for who he was, not who he became. And I really do not think that is asking to much and is not being unreasonable. I just hope that the youngest understands if that happens. I do not want him blaming himself thinking that he was unable to provide for me. As I know he would.

Wow another essay to turn into the teacher.  Actually what I first wanted to say is Denny, I am so sorry that you have this damned disease on top of Fibro and everything else. And that if I were you I would just invest in a rolling machine. Or better yet a vaporizer as they are much healthier for you. Doctors that write the medical marijuana scripts usually tell their patients to use a vaporizer as it is not harmful like smoking a joint or a bowl is to your health. You just get the good stuff out of the weed and nothing else. And to top that off they are much easier to load than you will find any hand rolling, machine rolling, bowl packing etc. It is just plain ole better. Try it my friend, they also say that you do not waste any of the high, or excuse me pain relief, you are able to maximize your pain control per load. Thus getting more bang for your hard earned or saved up buck.

Denny if you ever want to talk about it. Shoot me a P.M. or send me an email. I will hook you up with my cell number as well. That way whenever you feel the need to get something off your chest or just need to gab for awhile I am there night or day. I understand how this impacts your life so we can definitely share with each other.

[Hollywood]

  Well I haven't been online much at all, to many life problems (I know, everyone's got Problems) But I turn into a hermit, and isolate

I just decided to check in and read some post, just lurk a little.

But There is NO WAY I can be quiet about Dennys Accomplishment. Yes  Denny can roll a joint!! And to think I may have missed this  post and milestone in my friends life.  

[foxgrove]

Welcome home, Hollywood!!!  Missed ya, buddy.  Come on down and stay a while.

[tojo]

Hey Yo Hidey Ho Holloywood, WOW your here.

I was gone a long time and it is great to see who keeps popping in. Stick around the lunatic has returned LOL

Good to see your alive and kicking my friend

[denny]

Now dont go callin ME a lunatic till you countted your own chooks tojo!
Kidding. I know you were talkin bout Stephen!

Yeah Stevie, its sure good to see you poppin in now and then. Good to see you!