marital stress

[Bob]

Hello gents,

it's been a while but, here I am , again, complaining.  Im just GREAT

 
My wife left me a little over 2 wks ago and it would appear that it's going to be a while before she thinks of coming back.  the best part is we were supposed to move to a different state and into our new apartment which, after paying penalties we will now lose. But that's ok cause I have been told that , for the time being (no one knows how long) I will be staying in this state. 

Now in full disclosure, I treated my one and only like crap for 37 yrs.  My doc once told me that you lose yourself to fibro. well in the last few months I finally understand what he meant \...  Exactly what he said.

in the past few months I was blessed with enough pain relief that I now can manage it so that I can almost function like a human.  however, this only took one layer and let the one with all the emotional problems.  so my wife and i still not getting along.

then  I found the supplement GABA and praise God - my anger dissipated and it looked as if I might get to live before I died after all.  NOPE - I had a couple mistakes where I missed my dose and thing got ugly.  so I went To the internet and found a great med manage app.  Now that door is closed.  however, after a really good wk , with her dad (I never got along with the man and this wk went great!  clearly the GABA was working.  after 37 yrs we were actually dreaming again. however, a few days after returning home my wofe got sick with Bronchitis.  usually around 3am she would have a relatively bad coughing fit. So I would get up to wait until she went back to sleep.  unfortunately, I would usually fall asleep at our kitchen table and as a result go, next to no sleep (3hrs or less). well, after 3 nights like that I started getting goofy and depressed and began, as I always seem to, remunerate about me runin our lives.  She went nutz.  (what I didn't understand was that for me even to mention being mad at me it brought her back to the time when she was hurt.  she blew up and went to our daughter and husbands home (with our 3 grandchildren ) and didn't even leave me the dog! 

I've been totally iced out (even when I called and left a vm because I was having a panic attack (I LOVE FIBRO) . 

I know she is in pain and I do want to support her - it's just ironic that we had just found [something that could put us over the top and she had [enough.)

I say this in jest but, do I have any reason left to well exist.  I know God allows situations that ultimately are for our good and His glory but I haven't had any real happyness (until the week back home) in , lets say , a LONG TIME.

SORRY i JUST HAD TO WHINE.  THANKX GUYS!

TAKE CARE AND i HOPE  YOU ARE ALL WELL

[looneylane]

Bob I am so sorry you are going through all of this as if fibro wasn't enough! I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

[ronr]

So sorry to hear!

What were you doing besides the GABA for pain relief that worked so well?  Definitely understand the setbacks with missing doses.  Done if often enough myself even with alarms set and all sorts of reminders.

You mentioned working with her dad.  What does he say about all this or was working with him some of the cause?

[Bob]

i take the obvious: Suboxone, lyrica. duloxetine, gabapentin. 
   
     THEN:  CHD (60mg) 1x/day, Curamin and a BUNCH of Magnesium.  (I take 600mg/4x/day)

*Interesting thing about the Magnesium is that it nearly totally lifted my fog (that had me down for 36yrs.   

* I still have pain all the time and I get tired and all the rest but, I now can, more or less, manage my pain.  I am still not particularly productive but there are days.  HOwever. I can now be part of a conversation and, at least for a while, understand what is being discussed.

[foxgrove]

Bob...  

Hurts to hear your situation but I see hope in there too. I'm so glad that you've found some meds that are bringing things back into the realm of "normal" whatever that is... more like acceptable to the normals I guess. It totally blows that you, like all of us, are still getting whacked with missed doses and the consequences of it.

Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate your combined history and your new reality. Take heart, emotional healing isn't generally comfortable or painless and it requires lots of patience... necessary but not comfortable. 

[Bob]

Looks like we're going into overtime.  she is moving to PA and, well, I'm not.  so, we are giving up our new apartment and between 3 to 4k as a penalty.  PLUS I have to find a short term stay place. 

I understand her pain .  I WAS terrible to her for 37 years and she is not about to hear that it wasn't my fault.  that the dammed disease or syndrome or whatever chgd me.  My doc once said that you "Lose yourself".  After 37 years being that guy and now, finally, having some peace (gaba really helps me be me) I can see what he meant.  it's actually amazing - if it weren't so depressing.

I spoke to her tonight (about 2 & 1/2 wks) and she came armed and hunting for bear.  I think this is it., 

That would make me part of the statistic (75% of marriages where one partner had chronic pain issues - fail!) 

The truth is that , after all of that time, she really doesn't know me because I haven't been me since the first yr. of our marriage.

Sorry but thx for letting me rant.

[ronr]

You have to find the new you, which is the same person with different abilities.

SO SORRY to hear!

[foxgrove]

Well, damn. That sucks. I guess it's time for the new adventure then. Maybe, once she has found herself and you've found yourself, you can patch up the friendship again. Will be praying for your circumstances.

[Hollywood]

God closes one door and then he opens another one. You may find someone who can understand you. You are always in my prays.

It's funny because if my wife left I would be doing cartwheels LOL.

Please don't beat yourself up it takes two to tango. I'm not in your house so I can't judge.

My wife has been crapping on me for 30 years.

Those of you the have supportive family members give them an extra hug today

[Bob]

That's just it Ron.  I admit I have been a major pain to live with.   I began having pain (Occipitial Neuralgia) that was equivalent to a major migraine - constantly.  what made it worse is that for many years we had no information and , of course, my wife blamed me. When I finally learned some of the emotional/psych problems (that had been hiding under all of the pain.) just within the last several years.  however, because of not knowing for so many years my wife has never really believed all of this is true (it is a crazy illness).

So after 37yrs of this I happened upon GABA which, amazingly, rid me of all, but what is normal, anger. 

the issue that I want to understand is : all of those years I really didn't know  that I was doing all of that, I honestly thought everyone else was wrong.  BUT take GABA for a few hours and BAM I recognize myself for the first in 37yrs - only to find my wife decided to make her stand now.  so, for the first time in all of those years we could be Happy - she leaves.

It's hard for me to understand how I had always wanted to be a good husband and father, as the Word says,   I wasn't given that ability until now.

* I am sorry to keep posting my soap opera but I am all by myself ,  don't even have any friends anymore,  and it is helpful to get this all out. 

If you want me to shut it.  I will gladly

[ronr]

Getting it out HELPS greatly!

[ronr]

You can call anytime you want too!

Now comes how to convince her that it was just the damn disease all this time without her having to have her own catastrophic health problems.

And praying some dr knowitall doesn't take away the med combo that works for you after struggling all these years.

[foxgrove]

Yes, brother... you do have friends. We're here with you through this. Just wish I had better words.

[Robby]

I'm right there with fox, I've never been though it, but I can try to imagine, or I can just sit here and and listen.

[Bob]

You know - years ago, when I joined, I told Kel about this and she still has a bit of difficulty understanding how helpful everyone is.  I guess she is right most groups like this are only there to complain.  that's why I tried to get her to chk out the spouses area but, she wouldn't do.  now in her defense she had her job and picking so many thing around the house that I could no longer do.


I REALLy do believe her (now) that she believes me .  however, time will still be needed to rid herself of anger.   Assuming we do get back together I fear that she will never trust me again and as a result our record of little to no intimacy will continue to be the rule.  I love her as a friend but, I have longed for that for so many years it hurts. 

I do accept that she had to protect herself so, I am not angry about that I had just hoped that , before I die, I might be blessed to enjoy real married life for a few years. "Dear God - I trust you - help me to trust you more"

thx again guys